Moderator: We've assembled a panel of distinguished experts, some living,
some dead, to
answer an age-old question that's been popping up all over the Internet. "Why
chicken cross the road?"
George W. Bush: I leave such details to my staff. When I'm faced with a
requires me to know why the chicken crossed the road, I ask the experts. I
can tell you
there is a road, and there are chickens, and I thank God for 'em.
Gov. Sundquist: More and more chickens are crossing the road to locate nests
that offer the advantages of an income tax. Everyday, we're losing the
chickens that lay
the golden eggs.
Agent Mulder: The truth is more than one has crossed that road. How many
chickens have to die before we're willing to face this dark knowledge?
Bill Clinton: It depends on the meaning of the word "the." I'm aware that
crossing roads, but strictly speaking, I'm not sure they're crossing "the"
Dr. Seuss: They did not cross it in a plane,
they did not cross it on a train.
They did not cross it here or there,
they did not cross it anywhere.
The chickens did not cross the road,
they did not cross, you silly toad.
Pat Buchannan: Those chickens should stay on their side of the road and we
on ours, never mind what Carlos or Ling-Ling have to say about it.
Cormac McCarthy: Now in the dusty clockless hours of the town when the
black and steaming in the wake of the watertrucks and now when the drunk and
homeless have washed up in the lee of walls in alleys and cats go forth
lean in the grim perimeters where lightware shadows make a gothic harp of
no fowl may walk save you....
Donald Trump: Why shouldn't the chicken cross the road? If it has the money,
the women, and can come up with a position paper or two, it may as well cross
as the next bird.
Bill Gates: It's a credit to our computer graphics people that the chicken
appears to cross
the road. It clucks to announce you have mail. It lays a golden egg to show
are balanced, and appears to peck around when defragging your hard drive.
working on the Rooster 2000 operating system for two years now. It's a whole
concept, and the consumer can get it for chicken feed.
Freud: The fact that you even ask the question betrays a basic insecurity
sexual identity. Tell me, do you ever dream about poached eggs?
Hemingway: The road was there, and to cross it was good. Even if it meant
dying, alone, beneath the sun.
Ralph Nader: There's no reason, beyond corporate greed, that chickens have to
be hit by
cars. For just a penny on the dollar we could make it routine for every
chicken in America
to cross roads safely at any speed.
Rush Limbaugh: Only an environmentalist wacko would ask such a question.
knows it was Chicken Little crossing the road, clucking "The sky is falling,
The sky is
falling." Now, if chickens were encouraged by market incentives, they still
might cross the
road--stay with me here--but it would only be in order to get ahead. It's the
system works. Chickens, even with their pea brains, know that to make it in
requires getting off their duffs. If more chickens crossed more roads, this
would be a
William Bennett: There is virtue in crossing roads. That's the moral of the
chicken crosses the road from a sense of honor. Not to cross the road would
Hillary Clinton: I can relate to our feathered friend. She built a nest over
technically speaking, she lives there and shortly will begin sleeping there,
nights a week. She's excited to be running, and has no intention of stopping
Jesse Ventura: The chicken hasn't crossed the road yet, because of promises
it made to
the people of Minne-so-o-ta. The only way it would ever cross the road would
popular opinion demanded it. Only when the people of America cry out, would
obliged to cross that road, and it would cross!